Saturday, July 24, 2010

Beginning Again

Blogging is ever so new for me. I have written in diaries (I'm old-school); but with the encouragement of my grown children, especially my daughters, I've decided to try my hand at this new way of journaling (is that a word?).

I'll start by acknowledging all of my blessings and the blessings of my family from God. I am just a basic kind of lady, who believes that God has a plan and a purpose for me. And, it has been revealed to me in increments all through out my life. I try to remain open so that I can "hear" what he wants me to do and to go where he wants me to go.

I have had a series of "Beginning Agains" as far back as I can remember. Throughout my life, I have always taken on a caregiver position, starting with being the 2nd born of six children, who "helped" in the care of my three youngest siblings. I became a first-time mother and wife at age 18, and subsequently had another child, divorced, remarried, and had two more children . . . not what I had envisioned my life would be. But, I became an adult during the time of "Women's Lib." We decided that we should have the right to be independent if that's what we wanted and to be able to stand on our own two feet and support ourselves. We were no longer going to be at the mercy, and "beck and call" of men. It was a new day dawning, we were mad as hell at the injustices of women, and we were not going to take it anymore (whew . . . where did that come from).

Circumstances in my 1st and 2nd marriages dictated that I had to soldier up, step out on Faith, and proclaim my God-given rights as a woman and as a human. There were many "Beginning Agains" after that. So, here I am 40something years later, twice divorced, single, and still a caregiver . . . of my almost 84 year old mother "Beginning Again" in Orlando, Florida. This is definitely uncharted territory for me . . . taking care of an elderly parent. I imagined as many of my peers probably imagined, at this phase in my life, this was supposed to be MY time. Not! Since the day I was born, I have always lived with others. After divorcing for the second time, I looked forward to the day when the last child was on her own and I would have my home to myself.

Now, I don't want to be a complainer; however, I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of shock. I don't know what to expect from one day to the next regarding my elderly mother. At least with the children, barring any catastrophic events, I knew that they would be out and on their own after school. Not so, with an elderly parent. The unknown future is kind of scary.